I have tried writing this post so many times. I intended to share it shortly after announcing my pregnancy, but I just haven’t been able to find the words to say. At one point I didn’t think I was going to post at all but the closer I got to my date of miscarriage, which happens to be exactly a year ago today, I felt like there was so much weighing on me and I hope my words can help someone else.
Pregnancy isn’t easy. Whether it is a pregnancy you’ve been trying for for several years, an unexpected pregnancy, a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy, a pregnancy full of complications, or a pregnancy after miscarriage. I shared about my struggle with Hyperemesis during my first pregnancy and at that time I truly didn’t think it could get any harder. While I haven’t been nearly as sick this pregnancy, it came with its only challenges, mostly due to my previous miscarriage.
I of course felt relief and joy when I found out I was pregnant again. But most of what I felt was fear and anxiety. Maybe even a little denial because I didn’t want to get my hopes up only to go through another loss again. Then there were a few minor complications that amplified those nerves even more. Truthfully I didn’t start to feel much relief until close to 20 weeks. That is when I finally let myself accept that things were ok.
I felt conflicted by emotions and wasn’t sure how I should really feel. But truthfully, anything I was feeling was perfectly acceptable. No matter your pregnancy journey, let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling. It’s ok to be excited, scared, nervous, confused, uncertain or combination or all of the above. Just let yourself feel, tell your partner, friends or family, or someone who can relate how you are feeling. Don’t shove your feelings or concerns aside, don’t tell yourself its all in your head. It is especially important to share your feelings and any concerns with your doctor because hopefully they can provide some extra reassurance knowing all you want is to make sure that baby is healthy and safe.
Regardless of your own pregnancy journey there are plenty of women who can relate and are happy to support you and be there for you. Don’t be afraid to reach out.